amatara: (Default)
1. The online fannish experience. Never mind all my angsting over readership, popularity, being remembered and recognized, or the occasional oh-my-god-am-I-a-good-author-or-not panic attack, please don't doubt this for a moment: every single reader, every comment or bit of feedback that I receive is precious to me. Every single person I get to interact with online, whether it's in a deeply philosophical discussion or just to exchange a tiny random little fact, is precious to me. I may be writing primarily because I love to write, but I'm posting because I love the interaction and the company, and I'm grateful for every friend and/or acquaintance I've made here. Don't you doubt it.

2. Babylon 5(*), for tempting me back into the fannish fold as an adult, about a decade after having (supposedly) grown out of it sometime in my late teenage years. Turns out I hadn't grown out of it at all. On the contrary, my love for certain fandoms and characters is much deeper now than back when I was still a teen crushing on Captain Kirk. *g* I love the kind of shared fannish experience that isn't just about squeeing over a show (even though it can, and should, be that too!) but also about bringing one's personal thoughts and opinions to a fandom, trying to make sense of it and enhance it and turn it into something personal, something that can be a lot more than, to quote the famous William Shatner sketch, "just a TV show."

(*) Most specifically, Peter Jurasik, Stephen Furst and the late Andreas Katsulas, for bringing to life their characters in a way that made me absolutely, unconditionally and fully, fall in love with them. Without them, I might never have had the impulse to come back to fandom at all.

3. BBC 2, for having aired the original Star Trek back when I was thirteen or so, which was what turned me into a sci-fi fan in the first place. Much as I've grown attached to the online experience, I'm also grateful for having been a fan in the days before the internet and DVDs, when all there was were magazines and VCR, and people still had pen pals, and the only way I ever got to buy Star Trek novels was by traveling to London and paying a visit to the Forbidden Planet. Not because those days were so much better, but because to have known a time where every scrap of fannish material you found, be it as small as a newspaper cutting, was a squee-worthy discovery, only makes me appreciate fandom in the internet age that much more!

4. Conventions. Specifically, living within a 300-kilometer radius of mainland Europe's best (as far as I know) and, these days, only, large sci-fi convention, being FedCon in Germany. It may be less spectacular than the USA's mega-cons, which I've never had the chance to go to, but it's friendly and atmospheric, and they always have a number of great guests. For instance, I saw Leonard Nimoy there, and Nichelle Nichols, and Brent Spiner and Robert Picardo and Kate Mulgrew; right after the BSG finale they had E.J. Olmos, Michael Hogan and James Callis, and the year right before that Mary McDonnell. My biggest frustration is still that they had a heap of Babylon 5 guests just a year before I discovered the show: there was Stephen Furst, and Julie Caitlin Brown, and Bruce Boxleitner and Peter Jurasik did a joint panel there, for heaven's sake, and I didn't even knew who the guys were! I was like: why is the audience going wild for a guy who played a middle-aged alien with a ridiculous hairdo? Gah, how ignorant I was... :)

5. In terms of specific fannish experiences to be grateful for: having lived though the Harry Potter rage first-hand. I'm not going to claim they were the best novels I've ever written or the best movies I've ever seen, but it was the most memorable fannish phenomenon I've been part of so far, and I loved every moment of it. I loved buying the books the moment they came out and then reading until the sun came up; I loved seeing the movies as they were being made, with all the long waits in between, and all those young actors growing up throughout them; and I loved how it all ended last year, not with a whimper but a bang. I wouldn't want have missed it for the world.

amatara: (Severus Snape)
Title: That Dubious Honour
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape
Rating: G
Word Count: 200
Note: For [personal profile] dueltastic, who wanted to see Minerva and Severus training their duelling skills.

I couldn't manage 100-word drabbles if my life depended on it (well, compact writing is not exactly my forte) but I was able to stop at 200, at least. So – yay? *g*


Drabble: That Dubious Honour )

amatara: (Severus Snape)
So, ever since seeing Deathly Hallows Part 2 it seems I've been on a bit of an Alan Rickman binge: I watched Sense and Sensibility and re-watched Galaxy Quest in quick succession (and realized, to my amusement, I find Rickman in a bald alien skullcap frighteningly attractive; talk about exposure to sci-fi warping one's standards! *g*) only to go looking for more afterwards. Has anyone, perchance, seen Snowcake? It's a low-budget British-Canadian production from 2006 starring Rickman as well as Sigourney Weaver and Carrie-Anne Moss, and despite what the cast might suggest it's not fantasy or action but a lovely and subtle little drama. I was really quite charmed by it, and I'd highly recommend it for managing to be both touching and occasionally funny in an understated way. Should anyone have other recommendations, I would of course be happy to take them! :)

Somewhere along the line, it also seems that so-called teensy little HP ficlet I had started working on got a bit of a life of its own. It's my first foray in this fandom, and possibly my last, but I just couldn't leave the franchise without paying at least this one tribute of my own. Hope you'll enjoy!

(Oh, by the way: would anyone happen to know one or a few HP comms to which I might post a link to this? Seeing as it's gen and focuses mostly on the adult characters, I'm assuming it won't be one of the major comms, but I have no idea what comms exist.)


Title: I am Silver and Exact
Summary:
Seven years; seven times Severus Snape refused to show weakness. He never did learn.
Fandom: Harry Potter.
Characters: Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Draco Malfoy, plus a surprise or two.
Rating: PG-13. Spoilery for the entire series.
Word Count: ~4200
Thanks to:[livejournal.com profile] mithen for the beta, and for sharing the squee.

[It wasn't Albus but Minerva who met him at the gates, ramrod-straight and composed as ever, apart from the slightest tremor in her wand hand. Snape surprised himself by not calling her on it. Not that he expected her to return the favour. He had few illusions left about the Dark Lord's efficiency in expressing his ire; fewer about Minerva's restraint in meddling where she shouldn't. Bloody Gryffindor philanthropy. He swallowed and gripped the ironwork tighter.]

Fic: I am silver and exact )

amatara: (Severus Snape)
Anyone feel up to beta-ing a Harry Potter fic sometime in the coming days/weeks? It's Snape-centric, gen, no idea about word count yet because I've only just reached the halfway mark, though it definitely won't be anything very long or epic. Mostly I'd like someone who could keep an eye out for canon or characterization gaffes, as well as for style, because something tells me I'm in danger of making it all a bit too lyrical and/or stilted. But I'd be grateful for any help anyone could offer!
amatara: (Severus Snape)
Things I loved most about the movie:

Neville! Being awesome and yet so very Neville.
McGonagall kicking ass. (Also, Maggie Smith looked great! Wasn't she ill back when they were filming part I? She seems to have recovered splendidly.)
Narcissa! Molly! In general: wizarding mums for the win!
Luna being right about everything.
Ron not being comic relief for once.
The fight for Hogwarts. Every. Damn. Scene. Beautifully put together, and the atmosphere was just perfect all the way through.
Harry calling Voldemort "Tom".
GfgayezahgdgdhffSnape! I'm barely coherent about this part, but... ngh. Perfect. (Though, when Harry emptied the vial into the Pensieve, was anyone else thinking: wow, were there really that many tears? *g*)

So - anyone out there who could rec me some HP fic? Snape fic would be gorgeous, but I'll take whatever good stories that deal with the adult characters, as long as said stories are gen and properly in-character. I'm not looking for any fixits, romance, whump or fluff; I'm just craving missing-scene fic or character exploration that's bitter and painful and screwed-up and real. Only, how does one go about finding said type of fic in the proverbial haystack of h/c, mpreg and underage p0rn? Hmm... *squints and scratches head*


*flails*

Jul. 16th, 2011 01:38 pm
amatara: (SGA Elizabeth)
In lieu of a proper post, have a list of flail... *sigh*

1. I'm just - so - tired. Not plain sleepy tired or overworked-tired but the kind of numbing, inexplicable, queasy, drill-through-the-head kind of exhaustion that crashes into you without warning and leaves you wanting nothing else than to curl up on the sofa and sleep, sleep, sleep. The only time I've had this before was last year when I struggled with blood pressure shenanigans, but last year I was in the middle of a grueling project at work so there was really no doubt about it being work-related. Then Project of Doom finished last March, and in May husband and I took a three-week-holiday during which I was still tired (to the point of being forced to have dinner of cookies and crisps in the hotel room a few times because I didn't feel up to getting out of bed). And now I've started work on a follow-up project which is admittedly intense, but nothing compared to the amount of work I pulled off last year, and I'm still tired.

It's not as bad as during those few weeks last year when I was a total wreck, but it's just that it won't pass this time, no matter how much I try to catch up on sleep. I had my blood tested, but it turned up nothing. So now I'm cautiously starting to wrap my head around thoughts that rhyme with 'burn-out' and wondering if it's possible that Project of Doom wore me out more than I thought it had. Very cautiously, mind you, but it's either that or getting scared that it'll turn out to be something else altogether, which is helpful to no one.

2. Being tired makes me irritable and prone to overreacting, which doesn't help things. Especially since I'm now teamed up with a colleague who is the sweetest guy on earth but also a bundle of nerves like you wouldn't believe. He's a fountain of knowledge, but he also needs constant hand-holding and reassurance about everything ranging from his priorities to the wording of his emails. I'm not sure if I feel up to being the anchor of his professional universe right now.

3. More complicating factors: they've just started construction on what's going to be our future home, which is fun and thrilling but also brings a lot of important decisions. Between that, work, and the diet I've been on (I put on a few kilos over the last years, and was wondering if those could be part of the cause for my health issues, so - death to those kilos!) it feels like I'm doing little else than working my way through to-do lists these days. Husband is helpful and supportive and is doing a great job making life easier for me, but he has a busy job of his own so there's only so much he can do.

4. I AM IN A FANNISH EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, GUYS.

Fandom's still my haven, but I'm so passive in it these days and it's driving me crazy. I hardly post anymore, and whenever I think about those help_japan stories I still need to finish, I freeze up. I had an upsurge of fannish energy after watching X-Men: First Classand even wrote a short story, but it hasn't lasted. I got as far as typing up a few ideas for the B5 fic I owe [profile] crossing_hades, but I'll need to re-watch some episodes in order to write something half decent, and just - PANIC. (Anyone who can give me some pointers on what would be the essential eps to re-watch for a post-canon G'Kar & Lyta story? Would be a life-saver. I'm pretty confident about post-canon G'Kar, but Lyta - not so much.)

Basically I've just been reading fic and browsing other people's journals, which is when husband usually (and rightfully) drops the question if I wouldn't be better off (A) sleeping, or (B) working on the plans for the house. I can't help thinking he may be right. But then, of course, the moment I stop writing fic is inevitably the moment I start thinking thoughts like "why am I writing anyway" and "if I stop writing, will people even remember any of my stories" and "omg I never get recced ever" (which isn't quite true, but, you know, drama queen) and "whatever I do, I'll never make a lasting impression with my fanfic like other/better/more prolific writers do" and... well, you know. I know it's irrational. It's unnecessary. It's stupid. Yet I can't seem to stop myself.

Cheer me up, guys, please! Cheer-lead me, pat my vitual shoulder, tell me you'll stil be re-reading my fic when you're old and worn and tucked away in a nursing home. Hug me, link me to vids, fics, stuff to make me smile. Be awesome. Be here.

5. On a positive note: going to see the new Harry Potter later today. I have been looking forward to this for so long. The trailers all looked so very awesome. And it's quite possible is this still spoiling anyone? ) will make me cry.

6. Oh, and another positive note! (see? Things aren't half bad when you start to think about it. :) ) Saw the first episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day. The old-fashioned way, Thursday night on BBC. And loved it. Oh Gwen, Rhys, Jack.

.

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